CHRIS BUCKTIN - The real reason China chose number 34 for Trump trade war retaliation

In a jab that blurred the line between economic policy and mockery, China initially imposed a bizarre 34 per cent tariff on US goods in retaliation for Donald Trump’s insane trade war. But word has now reached me that there was meaning behind why such a bizarre figure was chosen.

In the ultimate act of trolling, China chose the number to match Trump’s 34 felony convictions. The move highlighted how Trump’s legal baggage has become an international punchline, undermining US credibility on the global stage. Chinese officials framed it as a “calculated coincidence,” but the message was clear: America’s president is now a geopolitical liability.

A Michigan teen is headed to prison after letting jealousy blow up - literally. Joshua Lowe, 19, was so salty about his girlfriend cruising the Caribbean while he stayed home pet-sitting, he emailed Carnival claiming there might be a bomb on board. The result? A full-blown panic, a search of 1,000+ cabins, and a ship rerouted mid-vacation. Lowe’s romantic sabotage earned him a spot not on the Love Boat, but behind bars.

Silicon Valley signals

Some California crossings recently got a software update - straight from Silicon Valley. Instead of the usual “walk” signals, pedestrians were greeted by AI-generated voices eerily resembling Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. One fake Elon offered friendships and imaginary Cybertrucks like a glitchy vending machine of awkward charm. Needless to say, the system had been hacked.

Coffee with Capybaras

Move over cats and coffee, Florida’s now serving corn on the cob and cuddles with capybaras. At The Capybara Cafe in St Augustine, the giant guinea pigs-on-steroids lounge in laps, demand scratches, and judge your snack offerings with a sniff. Owner Stephanie Angel says if you scratch them just right, they flop over like contented cats. It’s the only café where the baristas might sit on you.

Fast & Furious

A Utah woman took her “need for speed” to Fast & Furious levels, allegedly hitting 130 mph and casually calling roadside assistance after police spiked her tyres. Annamae Cabalsa Martinez, 45, was arrested after leading troopers on a wild chase that started at 120 mph and ended with her car disabled—and her dialling for help like it was a flat tyre, not a felony. She’s now parked in Emery County Jail, where speeding points don’t count, but mugshots do.