The Only Gym Bottle I'll Ever Use

SHOP $35, amazon.com

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Remember when people stormed into Target to get their hands on a Stanley Tumbler? The TikTok fad inspired questions over what the male equivalent of a Stanley might be. It was an ironic thing to ask, considering Stanley thermoses were used by factory workers and soldiers in almost every war of the 20th century, and a water bottle doesn't have any rules attached to it. But sure: What's a water bottle "for guys"? (Besides, you know, the cleanest option on hand.)

During Stanley-mania, I was coincidentally looking for a new water bottle for the gym. Or rather, gyms. After two years zig-zagging between weightlifting and kickboxing at two different places, my gear had gone through the wringer, including my water bottle. Target aisles began resembling Dawn of the Dead, otherwise I would have looked to Stanley when I called it quits with the plastic piece of garbage I owned by a certain major athletics brand.

Could there be a quality water bottle that can withstand wear and tear, that can keep water and protein shakes chill, and do it with swag? Turns out, there is a unicorn. After more than a year of daily use, I've found the only real water bottle I'll ever need is the 26oz Ice Shaker.

SHOP $35, amazon.com

You might have heard of Ice Shaker before. It was founded by ex-NFL player Chris Gronkowski, of the Gronkowski clan. After retirement, the middle Gronk was fed up with subpar water bottles, most of which failed to keep up with his workouts in sweltering Texas. After formulating his take on the insulated bottle, Gronkowski founded Ice Shaker and brought it to Mark Cuban and the other sharks in a season 9 episode of Shark Tank.

Gronkowski's pitch for Ice Shaker was that the bottles were "double-walled vacuum insulated shaker bottle" that can "hold ice for 30 hours in a 75-degree room." Honestly, I don't know if that is true. Sorry, but I don't have 30 hours to spare for conducting water bottle tests of my own. I'm on deadline here. But I do know it keeps drinks cool for as long as you need, based on the times I've left mine half-full in my car on humid August afternoons.

It does what it says on the box, and it does it well. But it also go a few steps beyond that. Between its masculine-yet-minimalist aesthetics, simple design principles, and tank-like builds, the Ice Shaker is the alpha and omega of gym water bottles.

SHOP $35, amazon.com

The real appeal to the Ice Shaker explains why its users are gym rats. All Ice Shakers come with a built-in agitator, designed as a screw-on attachment at the bottom of the lid. (And yes, Ice Shaker sells replacements.)

If you mix protein shakes or pre-workout drinks, an agitator to quickly chops up and mixes all that powder into water or milk. Conventionally, most agitators come in balls of wire-y stainless steel. Not only are these things annoying to clean, but the sound of metal banging around inside your bottle can become nails on a chalkboard when the bottle is rattling around in the backseat while you're driving too fast to fix it. They also barely get the job done.

Ice Shaker's agitators solve all the above problems, being so easy to wash and leaving only the lush ASMR sounds of powder sloshing into liquid. I've never drunk a chunk of powder in all the times I've used it. That's the best testament I can give this thing.

SHOP $35, amazon.com

The intended demographic here is serious fitness buffs, and because of that the Ice Shaker takes everything you can throw at it. Its powder-coated exterior, rubber bottom base, and a drink spout that has a satisfying (and assuring) click after you've closed it make it an essential for the gym and perfect for your office commute. Seriously, these things take a beating. Unlike the bottle I had from [BRAND REDACTED], my Ice Shaker has been resistant to scratches, scuffs, dents, and bends even after getting kicked around from smelly gym to smellier gym. I can throw it in my bag, let it rattle against grody boxing gloves and weightlifting belts, and I stay confident knowing I'm not going to soak everything in watermelon C4.

And if you want some personalization is what you want, Ice Shaker offers that too. The brand has licenses to IP like Disney, Star Wars, WWE, Dragon Ball Z, and virtually every major professional and college sports entity in North America. Ice Shaker also offers custom engravings, and if you've got a business, they offer bulk orders of bottles featuring your company logo. But the simple colors make a bigger statement; just using one of these tells people you know what you're doing, and you're efficient about it.

At its core, Ice Shaker bottles know precisely what they're meant for. You pour water, and you drink it. With most bottles the story ends there. But where other brands have weaponized social media to make mundane products a hot new accessory, Ice Shakers are gleefully uncool. Which makes them cool. So it's a good thing that they're the best bottle out there.

SHOP $35, amazon.com