Psychoanalyst names reasons for returning to former partners

The return of former partners is a common phenomenon with various reasons, said psychoanalyst and teacher at the Moscow Institute of Psychology Anna Lodz . She named them in a conversation with Lenta.ru.

"Often this is dictated by the unbearable loneliness and fear of losing control over the former partner, especially in codependent relationships. The desire to fill the inner emptiness can be a real, sometimes unconscious reason to renew a past relationship - to return to where you were once happy, although these memories may be just an idealized fantasy," the psychoanalyst shared.

According to her, dissatisfaction with a new relationship can also push one to try to get back a former partner. One should not forget about the possible desire to take revenge, to hurt the former partner through manipulation, control and guilt, Lodz emphasized. Another important factor is unresolved conflicts and omissions, which can be a reason to resume communication, but not necessarily a relationship, she said. Idealization of the past and forgetting negative moments also play an important role, the expert added.

"The desire of an ex-partner to renew the relationship is not always sincere. It may be an attempt to solve personal problems, compensate for loneliness or insecurity, rather than a desire to restore the relationship. The proposed "friendship" often serves as a tool of control, manipulation or lust for power, rather than a genuine desire to maintain friendly ties. Therefore, such initiatives should be approached with caution, analyzing actions, not words, and assessing their impact on your emotional state," Lodz said.

If your ex wants to come back, you should evaluate your own feelings: discomfort can be a serious signal, the expert warned. She urged you to remember the reasons for the breakup, think about whether the problems have been resolved, whether your partner has changed in deeds and not in words, whether the return matches your goals. “Take your time, give yourself time. Set clear boundaries and rules in communication. Ask for support. The decision should be based on your well-being. Don’t be afraid to say “no,” the psychoanalyst concluded.

Earlier, family psychologist Yana Kataeva spoke about how to restore trust in a relationship after betrayal. She called the most difficult task at the first stage the readiness to share the difficult feelings of the partner and his negative emotions.