Getting burned out because you became a mother: 'My baby cried 20 hours a day'

A pink cloud that suddenly turns gray or even black. The topic of being a mother and feeling completely exhausted, even to the point of burnout, isn't exactly everyday coffee shop talk. Tonight, it will be discussed on television, by the "victims" themselves.

Kim Faber's documentary is called "A Good Mother ." It's part of the annual Teledoc Campus series, a series of short film documentaries shot by young directors. KRO-NCRV is airing "A Good Mother" today, and Metro previewed it for its television program "Blik op de Buis ."

Viewers see three candid women who became mothers and, instead of going through life singing the praises of life, ended up on a cloud. They suffered a severe burnout ( read more Metro stories about burnout here ). They are Jasmijn, Elleke, and Erin, who alternate with a mother talking to a volunteer from De Oudertelefoon ( Parent Helpline). The caller "doesn't know what to do anymore," "wishes she could do better," and "isn't enjoying it at all."

The three women sharing their burnout stories all had an ideal image of the "perfect mother." Jasmine, who always listed "mother" in her friends' books as "what she wanted to be when she grew up," said: "For me, that was someone who always had everything in order." Elleke added: "Someone who can keep all the balls in the air, with a radiant smile." And Erin added: "A perfect mother has a neat daily routine, the kids are perfectly organized. She can easily balance work and childcare. There's never chaos in the house, never a mess."

Apparently, that ideal sometimes goes wrong. And experiencing burnout when you become a mother, huh? The shared feeling of the three after they proudly welcomed their offspring into the world: they felt they had failed. And that they had set too high standards for themselves.

Erin was so ashamed of her burnout as a mother that she barely told anyone. She now knows she's definitely not alone, which is why she wanted to participate in this documentary. This is especially true because the topic isn't often discussed. Erin wants to show (still unsuspecting) mothers that things aren't always rosy, but that there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's no wonder she was completely exhausted at one point: "My baby cried twenty hours a day for several months. Or rather, he screamed."

Director Kim Faber says of her film: "With A Good Mother, I want to critically examine the societal pressure on modern mothers. Since becoming a mother myself, I've felt how great this pressure can be. We have to be successful in our work, care for our children with love and patience, keep the house in order, and still have a rich social life. It's an impossible balance."

Metro learned about Faber from her documentary "Zomerdromen" ( Summer Dreams). That one was about a summer camp for children with cancer and, frankly, was more impressive. Still, it's good that Faber adapted the subject for television and gave mothers with burnout a voice. And precisely because the subject matter is so compelling, "a bit more detail" would have been appropriate. Care providers (with a solution?) would have been a great addition.

A Good Mother airs tonight (September 29th) at 11:10 PM on KRO-NCRV on NPO 2. You can watch it again via NPO Start .

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