Dating apps: Are you familiar with “carouselling,” the toxic behavior that sabotages your relationships?
The term "carouselling" refers to the endlessly spinning carousel and defines the practice of rapidly moving from one interaction to the next, often without deep engagement. The end result on dating sites: contact with multiple partners, endless messaging, but no real-world results. According to several social science experts who study the "attention economy" or social relationships in the digital age, "carouselling" did not emerge with Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge, but was amplified by the very nature of these apps, which offer an almost infinite number of profiles to explore.
Today, platforms are promoting a playful experience: a simple swipe of the finger is enough to indicate interest or disinterest to the other person. This constant accessibility and the illusion of endless choice make it possible to open dozens of simultaneous conversations and thus maintain the user's attention, playing on instant gratification.
In this context, users, faced with a large number of potential options, develop a form of unbridled or compulsive consumption of romantic relationships. Each profile becomes an opportunity for novelty, and the search for interaction becomes a kind of "thrill ride" where the main objective is no longer to make a choice and start a romantic relationship, but to continue exploring.
Not all individuals remain in the virtual phase of "carouseling," but even in the event of an actual encounter, the phenomenon can continue. There are, in fact, several variations of this phenomenon:
- “Passive carouselling” : some users spend a lot of time exploring profiles and having conversations without ever actually meeting someone.
- “Active carouselling”: others go on dates without seeking to deepen connections.
- “Relational carouselling” : others finally, alternate between several simultaneous relationships, sometimes without transparency.
These behaviors, which often reflect a difficulty in making a lasting commitment, can also be linked to the concept of "FOMO" (fear of missing out) , i.e. the fear of missing out on something, or to that of "FOBO" (fear of better option) , i.e. the fear of missing out on a better opportunity if a choice is made. They also illustrate a redefinition of relational norms in a world where the offer seems infinite and ignores old geographical, temporal or social barriers.
Several factors explain the emergence of "carouselling." On the one hand, app algorithms, which prioritize personality matches and constantly suggest new profiles, encourage endless exploration and keep users in the illusion of thousands of potential relationships. On the other, there's a consumer culture that turns romantic relationships into products like any other, where novelty takes precedence over durability.
But the phenomenon also illustrates more broadly the extent of contemporary fears, particularly those of commitment, in a society that increasingly values independence and flexibility. And at a time when social, economic, and cultural benchmarks are rapidly evolving, "carouselling" is becoming a way to adapt to this instability by constantly exploring, without ever settling.
If you yourself feel trapped in this "carouselling" situation or are experiencing frustration, there are several strategies to break free. Many psychologists, sexologists, and experts on relationships in the digital age have spoken out about the phenomenon in the English-speaking media . Here are some of their tips:
- Clarify your intentions : Think about what you're really looking for (a serious relationship, friendship, exploration, etc.) so you're not just navigating without direction. Be honest with yourself and with those you're talking to about your expectations to avoid misunderstandings.
- Reduce your use of apps: set time limits, turn off notifications, take regular breaks (for several days or weeks if necessary)
- Focus on quality over quantity: limit the number of simultaneous conversations and take the time to get to know the person you are talking to.
- Get out of the virtual world quickly: organize a meeting after a few messages exchanged or participate in events where meetings take place in real life.
- Work on yourself: Identify your underlying fears (fear of rejection, fear of commitment, etc.) and try to overcome them, possibly with the help of a professional.
