'We grew up thinking we had to be photocopies of others, but we weren't': Elena Díaz

Elena is 37 years old. Almost 38. Her story carries weight. Her life carries weight. Her dignity carries weight. She's not your typical model, but she models for major brands. Plus-size models, too. Yes, she's a fat young woman, proud of who she is and how she looks. Her current courage comes from a wealth of experiences that she wants to share in this interview. In a world full of stigma, of self-defined parameters that people feel forced to fit into, Elena speaks out. This is her story.

My name is Elena, I'm a model and I'm also a fat woman, and I think those two qualities are what have us here talking, José Manuel. This started almost 10 years ago, more or less. It's something I never sought out, this was something I never even dreamed of. I think many girls today grow up dreaming about the world of fashion or modeling. Not me. Why? Because I simply couldn't even find clothes in my size. I grew up in a coastal city, in Santa Marta, where the ocean became my worst enemy. I felt so anxious about the simple fact of being fat and wearing a swimsuit.

As a child, you also weighed more than, perhaps, many of your classmates. What did they say to you? Did they tease you about it?

Beyond people bothering me, it was me self-sabotaging, you know? I feel like it wasn't someone calling me fat; it was me in my head, sabotaging myself all the time. I constantly thought I was worth less than everyone else. That I had to hide, that they shouldn't see me. So, going to the beach or buying a swimsuit for myself was something I was afraid of.

Elena is 37 years old. Almost 38. Her story carries weight. Her life carries weight. Her dignity carries weight. She's not your typical model, but she models for major brands. Plus-size models, too. Yes, she's a fat young woman, proud of who she is and how she looks. Her current courage comes from a wealth of experiences that she wants to share in this interview. In a world full of stigma, of self-defined parameters that people feel forced to fit into, Elena speaks out. This is her story.

Elena, did you try, like almost everyone, to lose weight?

Of course, obviously, all the time. All the time I was trying to sacrifice a lot of things to become something I wasn't.

And when did you decide that you had to overcome that self-sabotage that you yourself told me you imposed on yourself?

The modeling world helped me. When I received my first offer, I was the first to think about saying no. I said, "People are going to make fun of me, people are going to laugh at me. What am I going to do on a 3-meter bus fence?" And my partner was the one who said, "Go ahead, dare it." And I did it, I did it with fear. And it was truly the best decision of my life, José Manuel.

I used to work in advertising. Today I still work in advertising, but in a different way. Seeing my image on billboards, in magazines, or on television, as I am and not as others want to see me, made me realize that I'm part of many spaces I previously thought didn't exist for me.

Do you remember a time when someone made you feel uncomfortable in your job, at work, or in your daily life because of being fat, and what you did to deal with it?

José Manuel, I've truly had to battle a multi-headed giant in this industry, where people in the industry have treated me poorly. I'll tell you about one, for example, from my first advertising campaigns. It was a commercial. Back then, they called me for a wardrobe fitting, where they usually give you several options, and the director chooses the best one for the character. They gave me only one option, and it was a pretty small dress. I squeezed it in and went out, but I felt very uncomfortable, and I expressed it. At that moment, the assistant director, who is now a very important commercial director, turned around and said, "Look, Elena, because of your condition, you shouldn't be demanding."

I remember leaving there crying. I asked my friends what my condition is. These experiences help me understand what I do, and that part of that is receiving this kind of feedback, redefining things, and teaching people that this world is different, we are different people, and it's okay to be different.

Elena, what brands have you worked with as a fat model?

Today, my greatest ally is Adidas Originals, which is one of the biggest brands in the world, and that's where the example comes from. They've paved the way for change on a global level, you know? And having me as one of their representatives in Colombia is amazing. We've been working together for almost four years now, and we're doing incredibly well, thank God.

Do you find that we're lagging behind the global reality that has accepted overweight models, or are we also on the same global path? How do you see this in the domestic market?

I'll be very honest with you: I usually work with international brands. Simply because they care about talking about this. I feel like national brands aren't yet ready for this conversation or aren't interested.

Are there other plus-size models you admire and follow, particularly here in Colombia or elsewhere?

Look, José, Ashley Graham was obviously a pioneer in this and has truly been an example for me to follow. In Colombia, I also have many, like Adriana Convers; she's Fat Pandora and is a thought leader on these issues. I also admire her greatly. I've been fortunate enough to teach many girls this trade so that it's not just me or just a few of us. I'm interested in this being a revolution for many people.

Your story isn't just about fashion for larger women, nor is it limited to purely commercial issues. It's about mental and emotional health. Does this issue concern you among young people of your generation and younger?

Of course, because I also understand that this message heals and saves lives, and I understand this firsthand because at one point I, too, wanted to take my own life. For this reason. For feeling different.

Did you want to take your life?

Yes, look, it was something I always thought about. I never got around to doing it, but I always thought like, "Oh, if I leave here, no one would care." And I grew up with that thought. All day, constantly. And I get a lot of messages from young girls who tell me, "Thanks to you, I want to move forward. I'd lost them, but I see there is another path, there is another light." Those who read me and have been through it will know that it's a dark, deep hole to be stuck in. And until you realize that being different is truly the best thing that's ever happened to us, you won't get out.

All our lives, we grew up thinking we had to be photocopies of other people, but we didn't. Nowadays, I actually enjoy putting on a swimsuit, going to the beach, being seen, being seen as confident. Because I know that at the end of the day, no one will remember seeing a fat girl on the beach, but I will remember how much fun I had on vacation.

That's why we need to talk about these issues out loud, and why we need to do so with people with the conviction, enthusiasm, and energy you're speaking with in this interview. Of all the good things you've done in your life, what would you say is your most treasured achievement?

I feel like every day I receive these messages that, for me, are the driving force, day after day, to keep me going. Women who write me things as simple as, "Thank you, I finally feel worth it, I finally feel like a brand is speaking to me." "I finally feel like I matter too," you know? Or someone who tells me, "I dared to wear my first lingerie or I bought my first two-piece swimsuit because I saw you here." I think that's always been my goal.

The message isn't "love yourself," it's "you have to stop hating yourself." If you can love yourself, what a blessing! But we have to stop hating ourselves for being different, for not looking the same as everyone else. Understanding that difference is the greatest blessing we've ever had, and, truly, it's been hard for us to realize that.

What do you dream of? What do you see yourself doing in the medium term?

Filling spaces I thought I could never fill. Being the person they can identify with. Beyond modeling. Maybe television, maybe radio, maybe. I don't know. Whatever God decides. For people to begin to identify with or feel normal with differences. That's my goal.

What would you say today to a 12-year-old girl who is chubby or to a 17-year-old girl who is probably bullied because of her size, because of her weight?

That they believe in themselves. That they truly understand that difference is what makes us absolutely incredible. That, if they ever doubt themselves, they should also seek help. That they should talk to people. I feel like I kept a lot of things to myself in life, and I wish I had talked about them.

In truth, there's nothing wrong with being different, and if you ever want to change it, you can. This isn't a constant. If you want to lose weight, you can do that too.

And I'll change the angle for you to finish. What do you say to someone who says, "Oh, I have a phobia of fat people, homosexuals, or anyone who's different?"

Phew... I hope this never happens to a close relative. I hope it never happens to them, even. And I also understand why we grew up with that mindset, and it's very difficult to change it today, especially for the older generations, our mothers, our aunts.

These are the comments I get: "You're one hamburger away from a heart attack." "Cool," "How disgusting." But my message is that I hope we embrace each other's differences. Respect. Just that. Respect.

Well, Elena, I'm very pleased to have been able to talk with you and that you are one of the "40 under 40" and that, through your testimony, you inspire and break down walls, which is what this journey through life is all about.

Never, not even in my wildest dreams, would I have imagined this. Thank you so much.