Psychology: Harvard professor reveals the secret to a happy life

According to the Greek philosopher Plato, in order for us to lead a happy life, our three parts of the soul, reason, will and desire, must be in harmony with each other or each do what is their task: reason must rule, the will must ensure that we follow its instructions, and desire must provide the energy that drives us - ideally kept in check by the will in the direction that our reason tells us to go.

Almost 2,500 years and countless studies, theories, and observations on happiness later, one thing is clear: As enriching, coherent, and true as Plato's (presented here in a highly simplified and abbreviated form) theory of the soul may be, it evidently did not provide a comprehensive answer to the question of what constitutes a happy, successful life. And this was probably already clear to Plato himself.

Harvard professor and psychiatrist Robert Waldinger has been exploring the question of a happy, good life from a psychological perspective for several decades. As the fourth director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, he has access to extraordinarily powerful data: In this unique long-term study, researchers have been continuously observing and interviewing a group of men throughout their lives since 1938. Of the original 724 subjects, 60 are still alive today, although the group of test subjects has since been expanded to include more than 2,000 children and some partners of the original candidates.

Based on the data, which, by the way, is collected not only through questionnaires but also through additional, face-to-face interviews, the psychologists can precisely understand how their subjects' lives are (or have been) unfolding. What crises did they have to overcome? How (well) did they overcome them? What worries did they have? How successful were they at work or in their marriage? How do they feel under what circumstances? In short: They can learn an incredible amount about people. In a TED talk streamed millions of times recently, Robert Waldinger shared one of his key observations:

The most important message we get from this 75-year study is: Good relationships make us happier and healthier. Period.

Whether these are friendships, partnerships, or family relationships apparently plays no, or at most a minor, role . "It turns out that people who are socially connected—with their family, with friends, with the community—are happier and healthier and live longer than people who have less good relationships," says the psychiatrist. In contrast, people who are lonelier than they would like to be feel less happy : "Their health deteriorates earlier in midlife, their brain function declines sooner, and they die earlier than people who are not lonely."

Quality over quantity: Who could you call in the middle of the night?

Robert Waldinger emphasizes that it's not the quantity of our social connections that matters, but their quality. To classify these, he cited the following criterion in a conversation with psychologist Dr. Leon Windscheid, excerpts from which appeared in the podcast "Betreutes Fühlen" (Betreutes Fühlen): How many people do you know whom you could call in the middle of the night if you were feeling down or anxious? According to the expert, those who can think of at least one person in response to this question are significantly happier than those who can't name a single one. "A good life consists of good relationships," says Waldinger. Not many.

This observation from the Harvard study may, at first glance, seem so obvious to some of us that it doesn't particularly impress us—and the message we could derive from it doesn't resonate. After all, it's all too obvious: Of course, we feel happier when we have people in our lives with whom we enjoy spending time, whom we can count on 100 percent, who know, understand, and love us. We could have figured that out even without the study.

But if it's so obvious: Why do some people still invest more energy in their careers than in their friendships? Why does any person spend evenings at the office instead of with a friend or partner? Why does someone prioritize a visit to the gym over visiting a good friend in the hospital? If close relationships are the key factor for true, long-term happiness, it would make sense to put our friendships, partnerships, relationships with parents and siblings above everything else in our lives . And who knows? Taking this into account in our decisions and priorities might also make it easier to harmonize our three soul parts.

sus Brigitte

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