Why balanced give and take is the key to passion.

A happy partnership is based on a balanced give and take . When both partners are not only willing to give but also to take, the cycle of love remains intact—it flows. Especially in sexuality, this means that both desire and give equally. But in many relationships, this balance is thrown off balance, and this has consequences: Love withers, and with it, passion.

Regina Heckert is the director of BeFree Tantra, a sex counselor, author, and expert on female pleasure. She is part of our EXPERTS Circle . The content represents her personal perspective based on her individual expertise.

Give and take should always be an interplay in a relationship. Those who give feel strong, those who take show themselves vulnerable. This interplay is important because it keeps the partners equal and keeps the love alive. When both are allowed to be "big" and "small" at times, the lively tension between man and woman remains, and the connection deepens ever more.

But not everyone can do that. Some people only want to give in order to maintain control and avoid showing themselves vulnerable. This is often due to formative childhood experiences. They then seek out partners who are only happy to take. The problem with this? An imbalance arises, almost like in a parent-child relationship: One only gives, the other only receives. And that quickly leads to a loss of eroticism – who wants to sleep with "Mom" or "Dad" anyway?

Breaking this dynamic often requires outside help. Only when both partners resolve their entanglements with their families of origin can the natural flow of give and take return—and with it, love and passion.

This article is from the EXPERTS Circle – a network of select experts with in-depth knowledge and many years of experience. The content is based on individual assessments and is aligned with the current state of science and practice.