Against loneliness: When the meeting center becomes a family

They sit together, chatting animatedly, sharing stories from the past – and laughing. For many older people who come to the Centro de Día, this isn't their everyday routine, but it's a very welcome and cherished change: "I often feel lonely," admits one elderly woman. "But when I come here, I feel better – here I'm among people," she says.

The Spanish meeting center Centro de Día impressively demonstrates how much a fixed meeting place can mean for seniors. Here, in this meeting place, a most basic human need is met: "We are social beings. Our brains, our entire being, are programmed for connection. And when that isn't met, we feel lonely," explains Pauline Stockmann, clinical psychologist and author. She speaks of a basic need for closeness, which becomes more difficult in old age due to health restrictions and reduced natural social interactions. Migrants in particular are affected by loneliness due to language barriers and cultural differences. "We know: the older we get, the greater our loneliness becomes, because social isolation increases."

The community center attempts to counteract this development with regular meetings: At the Centro De Día—the "Center of the Day," senior citizens from Spain have been meeting regularly for over 30 years. They feel at home here.

The center was founded in 1999 on the initiative of the Caritas Association of Hanover, but was already known as a cultural meeting place before that. Teodor Calvo Lopez has been the center's contact person since 2001. Like many other Spaniards, he came to Germany as a guest worker in the 1960s. When many of them retired in 1999, the Centro de Día was intended to be a place that would strengthen not only physical but also mental health. At the same time, the aim was to prevent social isolation and promote social participation - and with success: "It's as if we're a family now," says one senior citizen with a smile. They have met every week since its founding: every Wednesday and Friday they meet to spend time together and talk; on Saturdays there is a meeting just for women every two weeks. Those who like can take part in a dance class with Spanish music and free dance or in a fitness class.

Stockmann explains why programs like the Centro de Día are important: "We know that the same brain areas are active in loneliness and pain." Emotional pain, such as that triggered by loneliness, is therefore experienced with similar intensity to physical pain.

Loneliness is "just as much a part of our human experience as grief or fear," the psychologist explains. People are particularly often affected by situational loneliness, which is associated with certain transitions or upheavals in life: a move, a breakup, starting a new course of study, or the transition to retirement – ​​however, this form of loneliness subsides after a while.

The situation is different with chronic loneliness – when the feeling of a lack of closeness persists over extended periods. This form of loneliness can be dangerous for us not only mentally but also physically: According to Stockmann, chronic loneliness puts the body in a permanent state of alert. In other words, the body remains trapped in stress. This increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, a weakened immune system, depression, and a shortened life expectancy.

Stockmann believes that loneliness cannot be prevented, but we can do a lot to prevent it from becoming entrenched: "It's important to seek out moments where encounters are easy and reliable," she advises. Set times, familiar groups, and a friendly atmosphere are good prerequisites for this. This is precisely where the Centro de Día comes in – and it's having an impact.

Most of the members of the meeting center left Spain at a young age to work in Germany. Josefa Dominguez, co-organizer of the meetings at the Centro de Día, also came to Germany with her husband, Juan Cabanillas, in their twenties. "At first, it was only for two years. And then two years turned into forever," they both say, laughing. "But we feel at home here." They cite friendly colleagues and neighbors – and the Centro de Día, which brings a little piece of home to Germany.

As is customary in Spain, everyone greets each other warmly with two kisses. Even a 90-year-old woman takes the S-Bahn to the community center twice a week – simply to take part in the weekly "tertulias." Tertulias, a regular, cozy get-together – are all the seniors need to be happy. The conversations revolve largely around their grandchildren: "We, the grandparents, naturally try to pass on as much Spanish culture as possible," says one senior. "School shouldn't be neglected, but neither should flamenco!" adds Josefa Dominguez with a laugh. The center is a space where Spaniards can meet with like-minded people in their native language and forget all their problems for a while. Josefa Dominguez clearly speaks for everyone when she says: "We spend some time together here, and then we go home happy."

The seniors are happy, even though financial support for the senior citizens' center has declined significantly. Every now and then, in addition to the usual offerings, the Centro de Día hosts a communal dinner or breakfast. For this purpose, a money box is placed on the table at every meeting, explains Juan Dominguez, who attends every meeting with his wife Josefa. "Of course we need more support. But we're content with little," he says. He remembers that there used to be many more courses and activities. In the past, the Spanish government contributed to the center's funding – but "that hasn't been the case for a long time." Instead, the meeting center receives support from Caritas, which, among other things, provides the premises.

Although everyone knows the feeling of loneliness, the topic is associated with shame and difficult to talk about, says Pauline Stockmann. She is concerned: "It's a societal issue, and we must stop making it taboo." More public education about the health risks is crucial, "so that we know: loneliness can affect anyone." Furthermore, public structures are needed that promote genuine interaction – such as neighborhood initiatives or multigenerational projects. "Ultimately, we all benefit from this," says the psychologist. "A society in which people are less lonely is healthier, more resilient, and more united."

But much can be done not only on a societal level, but also on an individual level to prevent loneliness from becoming entrenched. It helps to consciously cultivate social relationships, even if it sometimes takes some effort: "Perhaps picking up the phone, actively seeking contact, creating small rituals of connection."