Happy moments in the Waldorf school: And yet we must criticize the structures

I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience. But I know a lot of people who are doing very well at the Waldorf school." This is more or less a recurring reaction to my mostly structural criticism of Waldorf education .

And it frustrates me: Firstly, the good experiences of some do not outweigh the suffering of others. Secondly, you can certainly criticize ways of thinking and acting from which you individually benefit. And thirdly, my school experience was not particularly bad at all, but surprisingly ideal-typical. I have defended it for more than 30 years and mostly remember it in rather idyllic shades.

So why did I like my school days until a few years ago and now I'm publicly criticizing "my" type of school? I know more now and I'm looking more closely!

My childhood and youth took place in the Waldorf context. I didn't know anything different. And I had many wonderful experiences over the years. But was it because of Waldorf? Or despite Waldorf? I had great friendships and experiences. I really liked many of my teachers. Compared to others, I probably had particularly good experiences and was often lucky.

My experience of shame, miserable boredom, pressure to conform, bullying, paralyzing powerlessness, boundary violations and the lack of space for individuality was structurally encouraged and, as I now know, partly even ideologically desired. At the same time, it was so normalized that it took up little space in my memories.

When I look around at my school community or think about the reports of other former pupils, I am not the one who had it particularly hard. I was adaptable, blonde, smart, physically fit and skilled at handicrafts. I became an over-adapted Waldorf sunshine child who got along well in this rather totalitarian system . I received recognition within the community and ended up with a high school diploma.

For me, most things went exactly as intended - which doesn't mean that it was healthy for me. At the time, I put down what I perceived as negative to individual failure, while I attributed the good to Waldorf education.

You don’t have to have suffered above average yourself to recognize and name structural problems as an adult.

Even after more than three years of criticizing publicly, it is still difficult to find my own voice. Waldorf children are usually not used to speaking critically about Waldorf schools themselves, while it is completely normal for society as a whole to be harsh in its criticism of regular schools. Both during school and afterwards.

I used to defend my school reflexively. I knew the arguments and formulations because I had heard them so often. Today I struggle to find the right words - in discussions with other affected people, in specialist literature, in my love for people from back then, in all my confusion, anger, fear, sadness and disappointment.

It's a constant oscillation between my childhood experiences and retrospective analysis. And a lot of research!